Dear Chase,
I was recently contacted by your boyfriend. He let me know that he was a dairy farmer and he was dating a very special girl. He asked if I could write something for you as well as the other girls that were dating or considering dating a dairy farmer to help you with understanding the life a dairy farmer lives. I believe he really wanted you to not feel alone, to know that there are other women out there that understand what it is like to be in a relationship with a dairyman. I personally thought it was sweet of him to contact a complete stranger, I feel like this guy cares quite a bit about you.
So here I am, writing you this letter.
Dairy farming is a 365 day a year commitment. At minimum, there are chores that have to be done every morning as well as every night. It is more than a job, it is a lifestyle, it is a passion and it is something that comes before everything else. Why? Because lives are at stake if things do not get done when needed. No, not human lives but the lives of livestock. The cows have to be fed every day, milked every day, facilities have to be cleaned, new life needs taken care of, illnesses need treated, etc. You basically just entered a relationship where your man is committed to quite a few other ladies, ladies that are very needy. The kind that will call in the middle of the night, text like 50 times a day, cry if they do not get their way and want very expensive things bought for them. Yes my dear, you have some major competition.
So how does one make it work?
To be honest, five years into it and I am still working on it. I have attended quite a few events by myself, I have not attended quite a few events so I wouldn’t have to attend by myself, I have canceled last-minute on friends/family, I have walked into church and appointments late and I will most likely be doing those very same things five years from now. It is farm life.
The heifers will be on the wrong side of the fence when you are already running late to church, an older cow will go into labor as you are headed out the door for your dinner date, the power will go out minutes before a milking; leaving you stuck on the farm all night even though it is an employees night to milk, you will miss Christmas on the coast with family due to freezing weather at the farm and the list goes on.
There will be times when all your friends are out on a Friday night and you will have to make a choice to stay with your farmer or go with them. There will be times when you are all done up, ready to go out and you walk down the stairs to him putting on his barn clothes to head out to fix a problem. You will be let down. You will have your feelings hurt. You will feel like you are not important at times.
But you are. You are so very important.
This man is choosing to share this amazing life with you and only you (and the ladies). Having a man who works hard, that is committed to something that most folks can’t even comprehend and is working in a profession as noble as farming is something to be proud of. Having a man who tends to newborn life, takes care of the sick and when he has to put down one of his cows, you see his heart-break, a man like that is hard to come by. Having a man who works for the lifestyle, a lifestyle that includes working side by side with you; that is simply priceless.
You will have to make some changes. You will have to change your idea of what is considered a date. You will need to change your perception of what romance is… but trust me, it will be worth it. Riding alongside him in the tractor or truck you will create some of your best memories. Spending a Friday night in the milking parlor, dancing to the music on the radio while waiting for the cows to be milked or eating a meal together in the field during harvest… those are simply things that only women like you and I will be able to experience. You my dear are a very lucky girl. Less than 2% of this great nation consists of farmers which means even less than 2% of all women will get to experience a romance like yours. Hollywood has nothing on us.
So with that said, make sure to read my post about being in a relationship with agriculture and remember to never stop dating your farmer. I am always here for you to message if you need a friend.
From the Farm,
Krista
P.S.
Slayton, you best be taking this girl out on some off the farm dates too. The tractor rides are amazing but a girl needs a reason to get all done up. Best of luck to the both of you!
Krista Stauffer
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You nailed it! 24/7 and 366 🙂 And the Ladies have to come first as they provide for you and yours. You’d best find some part of the farm that you are passionate about …like picking the breeding bulls from the semen catalog, or trying to improve the protein content, or a show heifer, or liking to do the field brush hog mowing… Something that just thrills 🙂 I like mowing on the tractor – in the days before cell phones… out there alone in the field, just God and my thoughts ! Peace on earth! from a retired Tillamook Dairy farmer… and now a Mom of a Tillamook dairy farmer 🙂 Good luck, girl! If he treats his animals well, he will treat you well also!!!
Well said!
The hardest part for me is that my husband is tired all the time. He works as the herdsman for a dairy. He goes to work at 4:15 and come home usually around 5:30-6:30pm. Since he doesn’t own the farm he doesn’t get to go inside and relax over lunch time, or come in for breakfast after morning chores. I understand why he’s tired, I really do. But how do I handle? He gets off work, eats dinner and is passed out in his recliner by 7:30. There’s no time for conversation or even for our newborn baby. That’s what’s hard on me….
That is hard. How far are you from the farm? Have you considered doing things like bringing him morning coffee/breakfast or lunch just to say hello during his lunch break? Does he have days off or does he work 7 days a week? IMHO I would write him a letter. It may sound silly. I would write him to let him know how much you appreciate how hard he works for his family and that you would really like him to be able to spend time with his family. As an employer our guys get at least two days off a week, even our main guy. There are times during the year where they work more hours but they have families they need to be involved with. His employer should understand that. You can always PM on my FB page if you need to talk!
I love this! So true about the commitment. It is hard work, but it’s a great place to raise a family! !
We sold our dairy herd 10 yrs ago and now both of our boys are emplyed on dairy farms…go figure!
I have lived the life of a young marriage, young kids and the demands of juggling my own career with farming and I have seen how it changes when the cows go away. Do I wish the cows were back? Sometimes, yes. Do I see mistakes I made in how I viewed the balance between the farm and house? YES! Life was good with the farm and life continues to be good after the farm. The same is true if life is not good (don’t fool yourself).
If the wife/girlfriend is employed in a demanding job off the farm it can seem really unfair that the fellow is tired all the time and doesn’t have time to help with children and house work. This is ESPECIALLY true if you spend evenings and weekends helping in the barn and doing the books.
A couple of points:
1. I agree with Krista-find some way to communicate about your feelings. You don’t need a fancy night out, you need a simple hug and thank you. Let him know that. The other day I found a 23 yr old Valentine’s day card my husband had written on a piece of stained notebook paper. The poem was pretty awful but the thoughts were heartfelt. I don’t have any fancy boxes of Valentine’s chocolate or diamonds-but I do still have that silly poem.
2. If he is hard wired to work hard at a job-it doesn’t matter WHAT the job is, he will work long,exhausting hours. Realize that with a farm you can at least take him out a cup of coffee and stop by with the kids. If he takes another job he wil be …gone….not out in the barn. You will need to go to him if you want to see him. Not many wives/girlfriends can do that. You are lucky. You won’t feel lucky when it is 5 deg and you are bundling two toddlers ihnto snow suits to go to the barn, but you are!
3. His long hours and the cows are not an excuse to treat you poorly or to ignore the kids. My husband used to spend 10 mins with our infant son at 5:00 AM before he headed to barn. Ten mins can go a long way to showing you care.
4. If the money is tight everything else escalates. GET HELP! Extension, farm viability, voc re-hab, SBDC, find the right person for you and your husband/boyfriend. Make the changes that need to be made. It doesn’t matter that farming is noble, wonderful, all the rest of it. If the car is unsafe to drive and you can’t by new underwear for the kids life is not good. Don’t fool yourself! Sure, there will be tight times and every business goes through rough spots. But there is no reason to accept poverty as normal. Get the help you need to really understand the business. You should understand exactly what this sentence means. “The balance sheet is getting stronger, we are gaining equity, but our cash flow is really tight right now.”
Good luck. If he is a good man then it really is all worth it. Sprite and Reese’s Cups and golden oldies on the radio can make the 11:00 PM milking kind of fun!
This is perfect! My dairy farmer boyfriend and I are starting to realize that it isn’t winter anymore and he’s getting busier all the time. As the weather warms up he is getting ready for planting, on top of all the daily chores, making him stressed and tired. To make things just that more difficult, we are also doing this long distance with us being about 5.5 hours apart from each other. I understand he’s busy, and to be honest the commitment and hard working ethic is amazing! However, during the day I can sometimes feel lonely because we don’t/can’t talk much while I’m at work and he’s working away. I respect his job and dedication. I truly appreciate this post as a reminder that yes, he is a dairy farmer. Yes, it sometimes means I won’t be able to hear from him all the time, but he does care about me 🙂
Hello Kelsey,
So glad you enjoyed it. It does get hard sometimes that is for sure. Is there a way for you to help out on the farm or follow him around to learn more about the farm?
Great Read and hit the nail on the head with everything! Men and relationships to be appreciated !
I’m nearly in tears over this topic. My farmer & I are 13 weeks pregnant (which is why I’m in tears, hormones) with our first little milk hand! I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship. The things covered in this are spot on. I never thought milking cows would bring such solace to my heart. I absolutely hands down love working beside him. We are a year into our relationship and I have learned so much. I’m blessed, or crazy, to have learned so much. When the hired hand isn’t available, I love being able to step in and help. I feel special, empowered, that he trusts me to do what someone else with much more experience typically does. In reality I’m sure he’s just happy to have any kind of help, but I like to pretend I’m doing something amazing! We’ve had dates messed up due to the farm. One of our first dates was post poned due to the barn having issues. Nights we couldn’t go out with friends because he or we had to milk that night and the next morning. I’ve had to chase cows back in wearing white shorts on our way to a bbq and of course end up with manure on me! You have to smile and say it’s fine you’ll wash it later and go on. A little crap can’t hinder an evening! He’s had to work long ours after a pump went out and wreck our one year anniversary. A year ago I would have cried and sulked and thrown a huge tantrum. These days, I was just happy to end the evening cuddled on the couch with him. I traded him a foot rub for a back rub. We talked, We laughed. We went to bed together. That was enough to keep my heart content. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything! Blessed I met a dairy farmer <3
-Jamie
It an be tough at times but it’s so worth it. <3