Are you dating a farmer/rancher? Are you considering marrying a farmer/rancher? Did you just marry a farmer/rancher? If so, this post is for you. You my dear are in a relationship with agriculture. If so, you need to read this post.
Here are the top 5 things I have learned about being in a relationship with a farmer/rancher:
1. Date Night: Chances are you will want to go on frequent date nights and the chances are you will get plenty of date nights. These date nights just might not be a nice restaurant, movie theater or long walks on the beach (unless you farm on the beach). In order to take full advantage of your dates you must change your idea of what qualifies as a date. For example: if you get any alone time in the vehicle and it includes a drive-thru meal or carry out pizza! Take it! That is a date! If you love to watch movies and you get some alone time on the couch after chores, take it! That is a date! If you even make it once to the beach, take it! That is more than a date that is a miracle! If you get all gussied up and the tractor breaks down or the cows get out. But on your big girl panties, your boots and go out there and help. Take a picture while you are at it. Just be thankful for time with the one you love.
2. Alone Time: There are so many different factors that could take away from alone time with your farmer. He could be on the tractor and you could be in the truck. He could be milking and you could be feeding calves. There are so many tasks to be done on the farm that it tends to pull you in different directions working toward the same goal. Cherish the time together on the tractor, milking parlor, in the grain truck, feeding calves, chasing those naughty cows that got out, etc. Cherish ANY and ALL time you get to spend with that person. It doesn’t have to be in “special” place to qualify as quality alone time, it is time spent together and take full advantage of it.
3. Attending Special Occasions: We have three kids. We get invited to play days, birthday parties, weddings, graduations, church events, etc. This could also apply to those that do not have kids when it comes to weddings, graduations, church, etc. Chances are if you are able to attend, you will be attending events without your farmer. Of course I would not expect my farmer to show up at play days but some events I do. If he is unable to attend a wedding or graduation. I most likely will not attend either. It honestly seems like all these events land on the same days and during silage season (or harvest season). It is near impossible for farmers to leave the farm during those times. To be honest, I am just happy for the times he can make it and that he makes church a priority on (most) Sundays.
4. Family Meal Time: We have tried pretty much every schedule to make sure we can have dinner as a family. Our best luck is at like 3pm before milking and evening chores. You will need to play around with times in order to figure out what works best for your family. BUT when it doesn’t work out and you are having dinner with the kids by yourself, don’t get angry. Make sure to take a meal to him! Take the kids too. There are plenty of times where he cannot quite make it to the house but he can stop for a few minutes and eat on the tractor. Improvise, it is your best bet for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
5. Being On Time: Well this was a tough one. I have always been the one that is at least five minutes early. Something will break down, you will have to add an extra stop to your errands, the cows will get out before church, the power will go out right before milking, there is always a tractor or truck tire that could go flat, the grain truck could block your driveway, etc. There are honestly a million different factors that could affect you making it ANYWHERE on time. Drive slowly, take a deep breath and realize it will be like this for the rest of your life!!! Plus, soon everyone will expect you to walk in 15 minutes late to church!
6. Special Note For Dairy:
a. If you are going to town and you are ready to go. If you do not want to bless the city folks with your sweet farm aroma, do not stop at the barn. That is why they invented text messaging. If farmer needs something, make him text you!
b. If he asks you to come help him for a minute, always wear your barn clothes and boots. You wear anything nice and it will get manure on it. Manure stains, just an FYI.
c. If the cows are out, wear your running shoes.
d. Seal off your home and vehicles when they are pumping the manure lagoon. I swear that smell clings to everything.
e. When the milker doesn’t show up or calls in sick. Put a smile on your face and help him milk. Just remember, it is a date! Us girls like dates!
f. Cattle sales and farm auctions qualify as SPECIAL dates. You are only asked along if they really like you! Ok, not sure if that is true but it sounded good!
Just know that as you enter the world of agriculture the idea of love and romance that Hollywood painted for you is not real. It is not real even if you were not dating or marrying agriculture. Take advantage of the small things and make them the big things. Be thankful for every little minute that you get with the person you love. Be thankful that they are sharing their life with you.
Now that you have that down, read “Never Stop Dating Your Famer“.
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Krista Stauffer
Owner at Stauffer Dairy
Krista didn't grow up on a farm but fell in love with a dairy farmer and now works alongside her husband on their family dairy farm, raising five children. Despite her non-farm upbringing, she embraces farm life, enjoys gardening, and remodeling their farmhouse. She also runs a successful women's boutique, manages social media for local businesses, and serves on the board of a non-profit creamery, showcasing her dedication to entrepreneurship and community service.
Latest posts by Krista Stauffer (see all)
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Went to a cattle auction in Canada for our honeymoon. lol You sure have the right of it.
Am enjoying your posts! It is nice to hear other farm women that I can relate to!
Thank you!
Happy to find your blog! I am in a reverse roll where I am the horse farm girl and my man is tolerating it…looking forward to your posts.
Tori @ http://fillysbestfriend.blogspot.com
Thanks ladies! Glad to know there are other farm women out there like me! lol
I am a city girl-turned farm wife of 22 years now. I like your list, how true it is! I take a different approach to #3 though. If my husband can't attend special events, I go without him. I would have missed many weddings of friends, and all harvest time events if I did not go alone. It isn't so bad….especially if you have any friends who are also farmers. A local dairy wife and I were often “eachother's date” to events our husband's couldn't make it to. Life gets lonely waiting for your husband to come in, strengthen friendships with the women in your community! They will pull you through those times your husband doesn't have the time for.
We do not live in a farming community so there are not too many women that live this lifestyle. So I am pretty much on my own in that regards. With that said… I do attend events without him. Just not too many. Mostly just events that are specifically for the kids or myself. Most of the time that he cannot attend, I will not be able to either as I will be helping him. Not a big deal really. 🙂
This is so true! Ive been with my farmer almost 4 years and we got married in September! Part of our honeymoon was the World Dairy Expo lol. I didnt come from growing up on a farm so it has been a big adjustment, everyday is something new but i love it!
Ha! Both of us would love to attend the expo! Congrats on your marriage!
It is true that you must be dedicated to your marriage if you live a farm life. It takes a special kind of woman to be a farmers wife! I have been one for 17 years now and it took time to figure out how to make it all fit together and keep my sanity :)! Although my husband and I no longer dairy farm, his family once did and I have heard the stories of the work involved. We farm row crops and have many hog houses and chicken houses, along with a few cows to help eat hay. Every kind of farming presents its own set of challenges for a new couple or even a couple that has been married for years. Remember that farming is a 24/7/365 job that pays the bills. Love your farmer and be proud that you are feeding the world.
Well said!
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your life with us. We farmer’s wives must stick together. Like I said, it takes a special woman to marry a farmer. It is NOT a typical lifestyle but the rewards are plentiful. I wish I could share more about our life…mainly because I have 17+ years of knowledge and married into a multi generational farming family. If you ever need my advice, ramblings, or just want to vent don’t hesitate to contact me. I hope you have a way to do so…if not, I will be glad to share my contact info. Happy Farming and Merry Christmas!