This past Friday night, many people I know were off for the weekend. There were family gatherings, family outings & dates with their significant other. As a new farm wife I caught on quickly that dates when you are the wife of a farmer is much different than dinner & going to the latest movie. It was hard for me at first because I wanted to be wined & dined minus the wine and fancy dinner. If that makes any sense. I quickly found out that if I wanted to “date” my farmer, I would have to change my idea of what consisted as a date. Even more so, I would have to give up the idea that the man should be responsible for initiating or planning the date. Now this isn’t because he doesn’t want to or that he doesn’t have the capability of being romantic. It is simply because farmers just do not have much time.
I decided to create a list for those that might be having the same struggles as I have (and sometimes still do). Here are five things that qualify as a “date” because after all, it really isn’t what you are doing as much as who you are doing it with.
- Get up in that tractor (or chopper) & take a ride. Who needs to drive down an old dirt road when you can drive around in circles and get some work done in the process all while spending time with the one you love most!
- Don’t be afraid to get a little dirty. Yes being all dolled up is nice but some of the best memories you will make are the ones that involve a little bit of mud & manure. Like that one time…
- Take interest in your farmer’s interests! If their passion is cows, then you should do your best to like cows too. Cows is a horrible example because how could anyone not like cows. Whatever their interests are, do your best to be interested too. Then the possibilities are endless. Milking cows together, going to the livestock sale together, etc. Yes, those are all dates!
- Work along side of them. When your day is done, look around at the amazing life you have together. You are blessed. Then spray the other person with a hose, throw hay at them & just have fun.
- Bring them food when they are out working. A coffee in the morning, a sandwich for lunch, a warm meal for dinner or fast food when you are on your way home from work. Pick up a candy bar at the store & bring it to the field. Just bring them food. You say that is not dating? It is when you are with a farmer. You cannot leave the field to go eat, so you bring the food to the field. It’s a date. Just go with it. If you need more romance, bring a picnic basket & a blanket.
I know what you are thinking. I have lost my ever living mind. These are not dates, how could they be dates? But to me they are. When my husband works 40 hours by mid week, when he gets in at midnight, when equipment breaks or the weather is not cooperating. I take these little moments, these moments of spending time together & chalk them up to a date. After all, isn’t a date just to spend time with someone you care about? Life is what you make of it and so are dates.
P.S.
Flirt, flirt a lot.
So much better than a sappy card that you had to pay $5.00 for.
Krista Stauffer
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Krista, you are absolutely right. Bless you for sharing! )
If I ever get another chance at getting it right will be sure to follow your sage advice.
Thank you again! )
Thank you!
Love this!! So true, I’ve had to learn this lifestyle as well, my husband is also a dairy farmer and we have a 21 month old little girl, we have lots of family date nights in the combine / milk barn / cow barn this time of year!! Feels nice knowing there’s others out there, doing the same! Thanks for posting!
Krista, so well said. This has been our life for over 41 years. Farmer dates are the only way to go when you are married to “the farmer”. Some days I wish the ones sitting at the ice cream shop knew just enough to appreciate what the farmers do to make their “dates” possible. Love you girl.
One way I found to get out of the house on a “date” is when my husband judges dairy shows. 🙂 It’s cow related, so I know he would want to go, and it gets us out and about to visit others we may not see very often.
Now that we don’t have any back-up milkers, we just do things mid-day to work around milking, so we’d maybe go out for lunch instead of dinner.
I enjoyed reading your list as well, because there’s nothing more enjoyable than being with your husband on the farm!!
I have lived the life for 56 years and wouldn’t trade for any other job. And yes, a lot of real dates have been cancelled because a calf has decided to be born and Mama Cow needs help or the harvesting didn’t get finished because of a rain at the wrong time or a breakdown . But we have to learn to be flexible with the farming job. It is a great life being a good steward for God’s earth.
Thanks for sharing! The life of a dairy farmer’s wife can be tough but it’s good to know that I’m not alone. And of course it’s all worth it because I’m married to a good one.
MY husband and I raised three children and was married 35 yr. until he passed away from lung cancer and what you said here is just what we shared I have a lot of good memories. Eight grand children and four great grand children .
Love your article. My marriage to a farmer did not work out but I appreciate everything you mentioned. It is totally different than city lifestyle, yet each are important. There are many good memories of those little dates in the field.
I vowed I would NEVER live on a farm…I have been here over 50 years!!! I’m alone now, but I have loved every y
ear I spent farming with my Farmer. Would not trade this life for anything!!!
Yes! I’ve been married to my farmer for almost 20 years and I so enjoy the nights in the combine or tractor. Our dates have changed over the years; first it was just us, then we would share the cab with our girls, and now that those girls are teen, it is back to just us! Unless, of course, the girls want time with their daddy – I gladly give up my tractor dates so that they can spend that special time with him. These are memory making days.
Nice article! My farmer and I have been married 34 years and I have always made a point of doing all of your “date” ideas! We have to keep finding ways to spend time with our hard working husbands. Since I work off the farm I always text him every morning that I love him!
Hi, I loved what you wrote and the tips you gave could be taken even further. We all need something a farmer grows or raises, so why not pick up a quick meal for a farming family or couple and drop it off when you know they are overloaded with jobs or crops or animals. It can allow that wife or mother to have those extra minutes to spend with her or his spouse….or even friends could catch a few minutes talk time in the field while feeding a buddy.. just a thought.
I love this! You may have just inspired another post. 😉
This is great. It doesn’t have to be some super recipe. Farmer and I were working in the barn one Saturday. The neighbor lady stopped by with a foil pan of brownies. We ate them in the barn like we had not seen any food in days. They were still warm and could not wait. I wrote her a thank you to express how much we appreciated her thinking of us.
That is so awesome! Hope you had a great day!
i have to say that i enjoyed reading your advice. thank you
i know i am a guy and i work on farms. and it is the small things that brighten up your day.
food made with a loving hand, is something that keeps that person on your mind and your heart happy.
even when everything else is not going your way. you would never be told enough just how wonderful you are in your mans mind.
Good to hear from a man that they enjoy this from their significant other! Thanks for reading!
My wife and I grew up on farms and dairy farmed for over 36 years together. Loved your advice in the Progressive dairymen. We do a cottage getaway for couples and yes dairymen are among our guests. Would I have permission to reprint your article for our cottage notebook and possibly use it in a book we plan to print on romance in marriage? All super good advice especially the P.S.
Hi Roman,
I appreciate you taking time to comment as well as ask permission to use this. I am ok with you doing so as long as I get full credit for my writing, maybe even a shout out to my blog. hehe 😉
I would love a link if you have one to your site?
Thanks,
Krista
Thanks and I will give you credit and mention your site on the article that goes in the notebook for our guests. Your advice is good even for none farmers and with a little adapting they can use it well.
If you email me I can send you some samples of other things we have in our notebooks. You can google the cottage by looking for romantic get away in Lancaster Pa. or Little Stone Cottage. There is a couple youtube movies about it on the web.
We also have a farm website at http://www.springwoodfarm.com
This is absolutely perfect! So true, I have been able to create many great memories with my husband following him around the ranch and also catch a lot of great photos!
Happy Valentines! My Valentine is taking me to Dairy Queen followed by a bred heifers sale. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Must be those treats I bring to the field that have turned him into such a romantic. I’m a city girl that married a dairy farmer. Your writing is beautiful and true. Keep it up! I always enjoy your blog.
Thank you! Hope you had a great day!
I just discovered your blog. I have been a dairy farmer’s wife for 36 years. It is a very tough life especially if you have no one to share things with – except the farmer husband. The best years on the farm were when he just got started and we were dating. Farming was new to me but I had the best time helping him. He started with milking pails and now has a double ten parlor and our son is working with him!
Glad you found me! Thanks for taking time to comment! Hope you are staying warm!
Thanks very much for sharing this… I am in love with my (fruit) farmer and we began dating when his working season started. So no way to meet him at the moment since he is focused on his job and things are still “fluid” between us. I feel a bit “hanging in the air”, since he is not very talkative and generally it is me initiating conversation by message (and he is very happy to receive and reply 🙂 ) My guts say he is attached to me but things cannot evolve for some time at least. How do I understand whether I am really important for him? Is it possible that he is checking me by his being quite silent whether I am able to keep up with his lifestyle and life choice? At this time being, I am quite confused… what can you suggest?
To be honest, open communication is incredibly important in every relationship especially farming. Personally, I would bring up your concerns to him. Let him know what your feelings are, that you are up to the lifestyle farming brings and that you would love to know his thoughts on your relationship. Those are just some things that I would do. Every person deals with their feelings for others differently so it is hard for me to give any advice since I do not know him. But I would defiantly bring it up. 🙂