Growing up, I never dreamed of some day getting married. I didn’t daydream about buying a house and starting a family. I wanted to go out into the world. Explore. Travel. Meet new people. Being ‘stuck’ in this little rural town was not on my list of things to do.
I had dreams, oh so many dreams. I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to work in a law office, I wanted to do this, and I wanted to do that. I had plans to move to the ‘big city’. I wanted to live in a studio apartment and work in an office setting. I had no intentions of getting married, having children, and farming had NEVER crossed my mind.
As life choices often do, they steered me down a different path. I am now a wife, mother and dairy farmer. All things I am incredibly proud of.
Over the years I have met some of the most amazing women. These women are the wives of farmers. They are proud to call themselves a wife. The farmers are proud to call them their wife. To them, the term ‘wife’ is not something to look down upon. It is something to be proud of.
Most of these women have been farming since before I was even thought of. Maybe they are ‘old fashioned’ but I absolutely love that about them. Meeting these women has inspired me to be the best farm wife I can be.
I am positive they wear capes under their every day clothing.
Society is so obsessed with putting a label on everything now days. Not only does everything have a label, but some labels are looked down upon. So let me paint a picture of what these women do on a daily basis using titles:
Chief, maid, nanny, teacher, accountant, secretary, taxi driver, Sunday school teacher, choir leader, Farm Bureau board member, co-op board member, farm owner, farm employee, tractor operator, calf raiser, milker, and the list could continue. But you know what these women are often referred to as? A farmer’s wife.
They are in marriages where each partner is equal. They are in a position where they are the helpmate of the man they love. They are the women you meet who when asked what they do for a living, they say, farmer. They are the women when signing her name, signs it right above owner/operator. They are the women that stands beside the man they love and is crucial to his success.
I know society looks down upon the term ‘wife’ and I think it is ridiculous. Now to look down upon the term ‘farmer’s wife’ is even worse.
Doing the dishes, laundry, sweeping the floor, or even picking up dirty socks doesn’t make you lesser of a person. You are just doing a small task in a bigger picture. The thing is you need clean clothes, clean dishes, and a clean (to your standards) house. Just because it is the wife that does those tasks doesn’t mean she isn’t an equal or valuable.
There is no one size fits all scenario to what each woman does in her own home or on her own farm. Some women run the farm while their husbands work off farm. Some women run the farm and are not married. Some women work side by side with their husband while others focus their time and attention on the home and children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these scenarios and there is absolutely nothing wrong with women being proud to be a farmer’s wife.
When I meet someone for the first time and they ask what we do for a living, I am proud to say that I am a dairy farmer. I am also love it when someone asks if I am the farmer’s wife. Why? Because I am proud of my farmer, I am proud that he is mine, and gosh darn it, I am proud to say that I am a wife. I do not have time to go down the list of all my titles, so I condensed them all into one, wife or farmer’s wife.
Maybe I am old fashion. Maybe I am out of touch with the rest of society, but I am proud to be a farmer’s wife. I will go on with the rest of my day; trying to keep up with dirty dishes, taking on the huge pile of clothes on the couch, changing dirty diapers, pay some bills, most likely end up running to town for supplies, jump on the tractor at least once, feed some calves, and at the end of the day what I did was no less important than what my husband did.
Wear that wife title proud, be proud of the man you married, and be proud to be his wife.
Krista Stauffer
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Wonderful and inspiring!
Absolutely wonderful writing! I am a farmer AND a farmer's wife. He wrenches on all the equipment, pays the bills and does our paper work. I mow the yard and landscape, run the house hold (cook, clean, etc.) but we FARM TOGETHER. I love our little system. I don't feel suffocated and I don't feel unequal. I know which article you are talking about and it did make me think on a different level in the aspect that I can be a farmer AND a farmer's wife. I'm proud to be both. You are correct in which we live in a world obsessed with titles. I made the decision to stay at home to help farm and make my own living rather than punching someone else's clock. The biggest struggle I have with this move is the fact that I no longer have that 9-5 punch a clock career with a title but I am also the happiest I have ever been in my life but I am also the busiest and most product as well. I have everything and more to be proud of.. it's just sometimes I get caught up in the fact that I'm no longer a Service Coordinator for the dealership I worked for last or the Outside Salesman for the industrial supply company in the past. Those titles made me feel good but I tell you what, FARM WIFE makes me feel out of this world and I wouldn't change it for a thing! 🙂
Remember how the other day you mentioned that you composed a response to someone, sent it, reread it and it made absolutely no sense? I sort of feel this way now about mine.. ha! Hopefully you can make two cents out of that. 🙂
Haha! I totally got what you were referring too. I guess I do not want anyone to feel like being a wife is not important. Because it is… you are the farmer & the person that holds everything together. Being a wife shouldn't be looked down on… it should be praised. Being a farmer's wife… well… all those women should get the medal of honor!!! lol
Great post! I am with you in the minority in society lately that doesn't mind being called a “farm wife” or even “wife”.. I know what I am, what I do, and where I stand in our relationship and to me, that is what matters the most. I also don't take lightly the fact that I am called to serve my husband in the Bible. This by no means means that I am inferior to him or that there are times when he shouldn't show me love, compassion, and view me with the utmost respect.
Why I don’t call myself a farmer is that to be honest, I am not. As of right now, my duties do not lie on running the combine or hauling grain to the elevator. Someday, yes it may. And when I feel like I have earned that title, I will use it. But until then, I find my talents elsewhere. It means that I am gifted and talented in other ways that benefit the farm and agriculture in general. The title of farm wife doesn’t mean that my husband doesn’t come to me when he makes big decisions and it doesn’t mean that I am not an acting partner in our business and operation.
When it comes down to it, as long as you feel confident and empowered in your title and an acting partner in your relationship whether it be farmer or farm wife… That’s what matters. And rather than moving towards changing our titles because we don't agree with the perception society puts on us, much like agriculture as a whole, we should work towards taking back the title! Rather than jumping the bandwagon, change the narrative! Share your story and NEVER feel like you can't or shouldn't!
Beautiful piece you've written here!
Well said!! I am a “Paralegal” and a “Farm Wife,” (but on a much smaller scale than you). I can't wait for the day I can dump the first title. 🙂
I love your page. We have a lot of the same viewpoints. I prefer to be called a farmer separately from wife. Some people hear the term 'farm wife' and automatically assume that they know nothing about the farm, therefore giving you no credit for the work done on the farm. I don't call my husband my 'farm husband' so I prefer to be treated the same. I used to let it slide until everyone was giving my husband all the credit for our farm improvements, when in fact they had my blood, sweat, and tears on them too. I like the term 'farm wife' when it is used appropriately.
I also am a proud wife to a rancher! it sure is hard to give me a title..but one more looked down upon title would be “stay at home homeschooling mother”. lol We sure do have the best life and I am proud of what we accomplish together! Love your blog post!
Ha! I wear that title too! lol
I married a young dairy farmer 38 years ago yesterday. I remember how amazed I was by the hard working men and women that farm for a living. We have been blessed to have brought up 3 wonderful sons who are now married and we have 13 grandchildren. Although their lives have gone other directions they still love the farm. Farming is good, honest, hard work but the rewards go way beyond the sacrifices! Thank you for continuing the legacy for other young women!
Love this article!! I too am a rancher’s wife, stay at home, homeschooling mama and wouldn’t want it any other way!! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for this! So well written! I love and so very much agree with the sentiments you voiced here. I just found your blog and facebook page – looks like you found me first 🙂 ~ Julaine (Creekside Dairy, British Columbia, Canada)